To my loves,
Our family has gone through a lot in the past few months. It’s been tough. No, it’s been excruciatingly painful. We could fill buckets with the amount of tears shed at our house in the last little while. Our very foundations have been shaken, but even so, our family is strong. We will somehow make it through this life-storm and see blue skies again. I believe this with my entire soul. I have to believe this. And I want you to believe it, too.
In times of heightened emotion I turn to words as my solace. Words always get me through the down times and help me remember the up times. This emotional roller coaster is the blueprint of my life and it is documented by the words I write.
I’ve wished a thousand times that I could take the pain away from you kids. It’s been so hard to keep myself from crumbling, but the worst pain of all is watching my children suffer and knowing that there is nothing I can do to take their heartache away. As a mom I would do anything for you kids, give up whatever was required to see you safe, happy, and healthy. But there is nothing I can give to fix this. Nothing I can say to make this easier. All I can do is hold you when you cry and listen when your emotions overflow and pray for you and worry about you every second of every day and night.
I have a writing notebook (or three or four) that I open when my heart is too full and I need to release the pressure. As I flipped through the pages I found a poem I had written back in 2007 that really speaks to the situation today. It’s not a fabulous piece of literature by any means, but the feeling I was trying to express back then is the same thing I’m feeling today. I want all my kids to read this and know that every word is true and spoken straight to your hearts.
Ever feel like life’s too much?
Like it’s tearing you apart?
So unfair,
No one to care
For the hurt you hold in your heart?
Ever wish for a magic spell?
An easy way to pass the test,
Erase the pain,
Be happy again,
Forget about the sorrow and rest?
Believe me, I know how it feels
To try not to let yourself cry.
Keep the tears inside,
Wanting to hide,
Knowing the smile on your face is a lie.
I wish I could take it away,
All the pain within your soul.
Throw it away,
Make a brighter day,
Hold you safe, wipe your tears, make you whole.
Whatever happens I hope you always know for certain that my love for you will never waver. Nothing that the world can fling at us will change the way I feel about you. You are the reasons behind everything I do. Every choice I make, every detail of every day is all for you. Eventually this storm will pass. One day the sun will again come blazing through the clouds. And when we are all together and happy again, there will be no greater feeling in the world.
Until that moment arrives I pray my love can burn in your hearts and keep you warm even on the darkest of days.
All my love,
Mom
Postcards from Mosquitoville 